Introduction into a Regular Joe's Life
Hello all, my name is Zach and this is a story all about how my life got turned upside down. i.e college. I started out college believing it would be easy, like most people I imagine. Then I realized I was dumb and knew nothing and actually had to study for exams. It wasn't until my junior year that I really figured out how to college. I have a dual major in mechanical engineering and computer science that I will be completing over 5 years, I'm currently in my fourth, unless I fail something, then I'll probably just drop one of them and graduate. My biggest accomplishment last year was keeping a reasonable sleep schedule, which made me realize that sleep is actual important for being able to retain information. Over break I went on a road trip to Yosemite National Park, which was literally the most gorgeous place I've ever seen in my life filled with some incredible and interesting people. It was a good mental break from the stress of life. Here's a picture of me ta
I am sad that I can't see your image. This happened to myself when I copied and pasted the image instead of downloading and uploading it. Perhaps that will fix it. I liked the image you chose for the story! I think it will be more exciting if the page was named something other than Story 1. But no worries if you haven't gotten around to it. I like the story. Oddly, I am getting a National Treasures vibe starring Nicholas Cage, which is perfectly summed up in the author's note. I love your rendition of the story. I think you did great portraying what you wanted! I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteI really like your image of Rama and Sita. This story is one of my favorite stories because it adds to the battle between Rama and Ravana because of Ravana taking Sita. I would like a better title than Story 1 because I look at titles when I'm searching for a story, and they grab my attention. This has no such attention grabbing and it was one of my two random's. Good titles can bring readers to your story! Nice work on actual story though.
ReplyDeleteHi Zach!
ReplyDeleteThe portfolio website you have created is effective, if somewhat stark. I feel like it may need a bit more color or image incorporation to set the mood for your story presentations properly. Very functional, though, so good job there! Everything worked great on the website, and the only issue I found was that the comment wall image link is dysfunctional.
The RAVA/Ravana entity is clever! The treatment of Sita as an inanimate object is also eerily similar, in my opinion, to the actual Sita in the original Ramayana. Her course of action through the entire series (with the exception of that jewelry tossing) is basically: sit and wait, which is exactly what she does in your rendition. This is a fun retelling, and using Hanuman as a diplomat with credentials is a great twist. The mystery arts dealer with useful information is a great way to incorporate Jatayu's role.
I chuckled when I read that the story then basically followed the plot of National Treasure. The demise of RAVA could have used a bit more information, in my opinion. I want to know how it was shut down, and whether it is left slightly open - a jumping point for a new story in the National Treasure Edition of the Ramayana. I'm also left wondering just who is behind RAVA? A national consortium of evil people? A single family of exceptional wealth with a taste for rare and expensive artifacts?
This was a fun read, and I hope to learn more about the characters you've developed.
Hi Zach!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your spin on the original story. It was so creative starting with the name of the agency sounding like Ravana! You tied together bits and pieces of your story with elegance and left no detail unclear. For example, when you said that that Hans could go ask about the painting without being questioned all because he collected paintings himself. Those little details are something I struggle with and I hope to read more of your stories in order to better myself and learn from what you are able to do!
I love that the story ended up with a happy ending and that the guys got their painting back of the wonderful Sita! I wonder how many times scandals like this have happened. After visiting the Van Gough museum in Amsterdam, it seems as though this happens quite often.
Thank you so much for sharing! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!
Hi Zach. I think that Indian epics as well-known movies is an excellent idea. Also, I really liked the way you handled paralleling the Ramayana into the plot of National Treasure. Although ultimately ridiculous, it was a good kind of ridiculous, and I think your creativity allowed you to fuse characters from both stories into very interesting hybrids. I really liked how you handled the plot elements of Hanuman with your character Han, and the idea of Sita being a beautiful painting was an interesting twist. I was really taken out of the story by a number of typos. You literally said the deceleration of independence, as in accelerating backwards. I think these would be an easy fix to help the quality of the story. Additionally, I think some actual dialogue would help make the story more interesting and help to clear up some of the confusing elements (such as the exchange with the mystery man).
ReplyDeleteHi Zach , clicking on your portfolio page I was not able to see the first image you had on your front page, but after clicking on your first story I seen a nice centered image of Sita and Rama. I read through your story and I like the story line. I like how the two brothers did anything to get Sita back, even if it was illegal they were determined to get her Beautiful self back. To me it seems like a lot of people cherish her beauty and admires everything she does. One think I will say about this story is that I think you should add a little bit more detail between the different scenes in the story, maybe tell a drop back story of the type of environment or scenery they enter going from this different parts of the story. That might make it more appealing. Also, I think a mini summary of the highlights of the story In the beginning might grab the readers attention. kind of make it like a Preface, or Abstract. Another then that I really enjoyed reading this interesting story I feel like there's more about to happen too. lol
ReplyDeleteHey Zach! I love and enjoyed your original spin on the story! I was not able to see the image in your portfolio! Use different link maybe? Hope it gets fixed soon! Your story was very nice in that it was filled with all the little details readers needed to know and the story doesnt have any uncertain plot points. Sita as a beautiful painting was a nice touch and sense of modernism combined with this Indian epic sounds like a great idea. I hope you keep up your good work and i cant wait til i read your next work!
ReplyDeleteHey Zach, I think some other people have already mentioned this, but you seem to have an error with the picture on your link to your comment wall. That aside, your first story is rather interesting. I like how you have placed some references in your writing and started this like a National Treasure script. The part with the mind wiping seems a little too conveniently written, and you may try to embellish it a bit. Maybe add some insights on when they did this to him, or what even makes RAVA capable of this feat. It feels like I’m just briefly glancing at a movie trailer when I read this story; getting just enough of the details to want more. I never even thought about writing a story from the perspective of a plot summary. It is a little meta and I am curious to see where you will be heading with your next story.
ReplyDeleteHey Zach! This is a really interesting and original idea for your storybook! I think that it is really cool that you are able to combine the Ramayana with the plot of National Treasure. Two truly timeless classics of their respective eras blended into one amazing adventure. Yes, it is a bit over-the-top, but it is over-the-top in a fun way. I really enjoyed the parallels you were able to draw with the characters. You made them seem almost interchangeable in their respective stories. One issue I would like to bring to your attention is that I cannot see your image. It just comes up as a folder with a pencil over it. I hope you are able to fix that soon as I would really love to be able to see it. I am looking forward to what other movies you will retell in the style of the Indian epics.
ReplyDeleteHi Zach! Your story was really creative! Combining a story plot with a movie plot is genius! I don't think I've seen the movie but it sounds like its really good.I like how you turned into a an organization stealing art instead of a person and send Nic Cage and Riley on an investigation. It was very descriptive as well. I'm curious about whether you would consider putting some dialogue in the story in between. It could make the story more interesting. I was a little confused about whether Sita was a person or an art since you called it Sita. Maybe you can call it "the Sita" if it's art? I'm glad that RAVA ended up getting in trouble with the government and faced the consequences. I like how you took out the violence, there definitely could've been better ways to handle their problems than resorting to violence. I look forward to reading the rest of your story.
ReplyDeleteHi, Zach! First of all, I love that you changed this story completely. I love that the artifact is a painting and not a person. This keeps the purpose of the original episode, but it allows you to stay in the confines of your more modern setting. But, what I like most is that you did not abandon the the Indian concepts we are learning about by keeping Sita as the main conflict in your story! I am a huge fan of historical fiction books, so this is right up my alley. One thing that could enrich your story is some imagery. The plot is awesome and your style of writing is engaging. But, I think it could benefit from visuals. Perhaps, you could give a description of what the painting looks like? Colors, what she's wearing, etc. To give more perspective, you could also give us some insight as to what RAVA's thoughts and intentions are. Nice work! Cant wait to read more.
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ReplyDeleteHey Zach’s! I really like your website and I think you have really nice picture of Rama and Sita on Story one. I read your first story name “The Stolen Sita”. I really like reading your story because it mixed both the Western culture and Indian culture and made a different and unique story, where everyone has their own unique identity like Nicolas Cage is Rama and Riley is Lakshmana. Etc. and how both story achieve to do same thing “Save the Sita”. I really like to read this kind of story because every time I read different story with different culture mix with Hindu culture you get new story. I would like to ask where did you get the idea to make this kind of story? I am just asking because I think for me it is kind of hard to mix both culture. Anyway It was nice story you wrote there.
Hey Zach! The idea for your site is so clever! I love movies, so I'm very interested to see how you relate the Epics we have been reading back to modern films and shows! It might be a fun addition to your story to tell a little bit, maybe a sentence or two, about each member of the Pandas. That way we have a little bit more of a connection to them as individuals. It could also be cool to bring in more themes from Scooby Doo, since right now all you really have is the new names. You explained the connection more in your author's note, but I think it would be fun to make it an even bigger part of your actual story! You have a few spelling and grammar errors throughout, but all things that can be easily fixed. I enjoyed your story and I think that you have a great start to your Storybook! Good luck with the rest of your writings.
ReplyDeleteHi Zach! For the banner image, maybe you could search for one that has to do with the general idea of your storybook so that when someone goes to your website, they’ll immediately be intrigued with your banner image and how it relates to your stories. You could also change the banner image for each page that you have so that it can summarize in a picture what your story is about. The second banner image also seems to be too big so you can try editing the photo to a different dimension to make it fit better and that’s one of the tech tips you can do as well so you’ll be able to get bonus for that. I really liked the idea you used for your portfolio. I enjoyed reading your stories in the modern scene of a movie. I loved the movies that you chose and you did a wonderful job of rewriting the original stories in the setting of those movies.
ReplyDeleteHey Zach, I just got done taking a look over your portfolio project. I was really intrigued with your title and decided to check it out so great job on using an interesting topic to pull people into your site. I always give authors my first thoughts that I had when I entered a website for their project. I was expecting Hollywood flare when clicking on your link so you can imagine my dismay when I came across a somewhat dull canvas. I think that adding some more pictures or background color would really liven up your site and make readers become more engaged. I thought that each story fit your theme very well. I loved how you made up an acronym RAVA in your first story that is very close to the original villain Ravana, very clever. I think that your writing is going well and if you just clean up the site a little bit you will have a great project!
ReplyDeleteHi Zach! Interesting idea for a portfolio. I really like that you have a sort of theme rather than it just being super random. I do have a couple of thoughts which I think would greatly improve your portfolio. The first is the name of your portfolio. Rather than "stories retold as movie plots" maybe it could be something like "Lights, Camera, Epic!" or something cheesy like that. While that might seem lame, I think it is more of a title. Yes your current title is very descriptive, but not attention grabbing or title-esque.
ReplyDeleteAnother problem which while very distracting is the easiest fix is the order of your story links. As we read from left to right and Home is listed first, Story 1 should be in the middle, followed by the link to story two. This is a very easy fix when editing your google site, but will make a huge difference to your readers!
I also think that since these are movie plots, it may be more with the theme to put them in the format of movie scripts. This would be a much bigger task, but may be worth it to make your portfolio unique!
Zach, This is a really cool portfolio Idea. Your title is what drew me in to reading your stories. I really like the scooby doo reference in your second story. On the second story I would consider giving some background detail about your characters. I enjoy getting to know the characters in stories. Nic cage in your first story was a fun character to see. I look forward to seeing what other movies you use for your future stories.
ReplyDeleteFor the the layout of your website. I think it would make your website slow better if you re ordered your tabs so story one was to the left of story two. Also resizing the header image for your stories so that they fit more into the header might be cool.
Hi, Zach!
ReplyDeleteThe premise of retelling stories as movie plots is so neat! I had such a fun time reading your stories and trying to make connections between the stories, the originals, and the movies. I liked the way you italicized phrases to show a difference from the story and a message. One thing I think would be help your blog is if you put the names of the stories on the links instead of “story 1” and “story 2”, also if you decide you want to keep it that way, you might at least switch them around so they are in numerical order. Overall, I think you are doing a great job writing stories that are fun and still keep the heart of the original. This class is such a good way to see how creative everyone can be, and you are obviously very creative! Keep up the good work!
Hi zach!
ReplyDeleteI really like your idea for your semester project. A lot of really cool ideas can be fit into your theme and I like what you've done with story 1 and 2 so far. I had a good time reading your stories so far and really enjoyed the scooby doo reference and your misty mountain picture. I think it would be helpful for you if you named your stories so that they can give the reader an idea of what your stories will be about. Since they vary so greatly it might be a good idea to give people some context before they start reading. You do a good job of bringing me into the world of your stories and I think they will only improve from here. The only other thing I can think to fix is your layout on your navigation bar. The stories are out of order and it can seem confusing when navigating between them.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI think I remember reading your Scooby Doo story earlier before you put it in your portfolio, and I still really love the plot! Growing up, I watched Scooby Doo all the time, so it was fun to read it. Cliff hangers are some of my favorite things because it allows everyone's mind to wander and to create different endings, so good on you for adding in that cliff hanger! One of the things I would recommend is to add titles on your tabs where it says 'Story 1' and 'Story 2'. After you add more stories later in the semester, it may get a bit confusing for the readers to try and figure out which story was which and adding titles to the tabs would help stop that confusion. I really enjoy the theme of your portfolio. I look forward to what other movies/stories you add later on in the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Zach! I was instantly intrigued by your project with the title of it and as I started reading I definitely was not let down! One of the first things I noticed though was how you don't have titles for your stories. You just call them "Story 1" and "Story 2". Is there a reason why you decided to do this or are you planning on adding titles of them later? One of my favorite movies is National Treasure so I was drawn into that story. I really liked how you played off of the plot of the movies and added elements from the epics we have been reading for Indian Epics. Have you thought about adding more images throughout your story? I think it would be an awesome idea if you were to add more pictures throughout your pictures. I think adding more pictures would add to the overall effect of your stories and also break up the text. I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future! Good luck!
Hey Zach! I read through The Secret of Spooky Island and I have to say I used to be a big fan of Scooby Doo when I was a kid. I watched the live action movie too but I forgot about the whole plot. I like how you dropped some hints and allusions to the original story like mentioning them saying they'd build a castle on Spooky Island for the Pandas to stay in and calling the members of the band Pandas. The ending seemed mysterious but a bit sudden, it would have been neat to see some information on the island expounded upon outside of the author's note (maybe Duy could have some internal monologue about why the island is so dangerous and what kinds of beings inhabit it). But apart from that I enjoyed the story and liked how you struck a good balance between the scooby doo references and mahabharata references.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Zach!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time checking out your storybook page. I was excited to look at something new and possibly draw some inspiration for my own project page. I thought the idea of retelling these Indian Epics as movies was really cool. I have always liked when people put a modern spin on something from the past. It makes the stories seem more relatable and not so different from what we are used to. My suggestion for the home page is to add some information about the stories and a brief summary. The story of Rama has been one of my favorites so far in this class. I like how it contains so much adventure and various fighting scenes. That was definitely a good choice as a story to retell. I really liked the idea to use Scooby Doo. I would not have thought of using that movie. It fits the storyline very well. I think you are doing a great job with your stories here. I encourage you to keep up the good work.
Hey Zach! I read the Spooky Island story and it immediately brought me back to my own childhood. I used to watch Scooby Doo religiously and loved every minute. I still remember how the Spooky Island movie scared me as a kid. I can definitely see the resemblance to the movie but can also see the differences. You did a great job taking the premise of the island and returning very different. One area to consider adding is the descriptions of the characters and maybe even what instruments they each played. I could definitely see Shaggy on the drums for some reason! This would also help since some people may not be familiar with the characters. Another place to expand is with Duy. Maybe adding a evil monologue with his thought process would broaden his character and give him more flare. Overall, it was a fun story and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHey, Zach, I really like the concept of your portfolio. I like the idea of retelling these epics as movie plots, its super original. That being said, the stories themselves are creative and well told. I thought the RAVA/Ravana aspect was super clever. However, there are some grammar and punctuation errors that are distracting take the reader out of the story, but that can be easily fixed with a good proofreading. The other revision suggestion I have doesn't have anything to do with your stories but with your site. The pictures are effective but the feel of the site is a little plain. I think some sort of sound, more picture, different fonts, or brighter colors might serve to make the site more appealing to the eye. Again, I really like your concept and look forward to reading more Indian epics retold as movie plots. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHey there, Zach! How are you! I really like your website it clean and easy to read. I especially like your image of movie camera on Introduction it totally fits with the topic you chose to write. I think you have the most creative Idea of all the stories that I have read because you did a good job joining the western and eastern in one story and that made a really interesting story to read I really enjoyed reading this story. Your stories are really cool creative and easy to read. I especially really like your of Beauty and Ravana. It has some similarity with the movie Beauty and beast yet it different than the original story. “Ravana Laughs as how weak Gasrama is, but then from out nowhere Gasrama comes from behind Ravana and hits him with an R.K.O and kills him. I found this line really funny for some reason and keep it up you got good story there.
ReplyDeleteHi Zach. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised by your last two stories. I think you deviated from the scooby doo plot there a bit; I think the only thing the two stories have in common was the character names, but it was fun to read and the story was actually interesting (unlike the story of the scooby doo movie...) I really liked your third story; again, I thought you did an excellent job of weaving plot elements from both stories in (the golden dear was very well done!) Also, you had a lot less grammar issues in these stories than your first. The only one I noticed was Gasrama's bear sized hair. You know, unless that's what you were going for.
ReplyDelete"He had silky long hair, the size of a bear,"
Hey there Zach. I really liked all of your stories. It's really fun seeing what happens when you mash these Indian epics with various movies. You do a great job of mixing each story to make a new, completely different story. You do a good job of balancing plot elements of each story and not just having one story dominate the other. I think your last story, Beauty and Ravana, is definitely your best. This one feels much more seriously written, though there is the issue of the bear sized hair that Nate brought up above me. I also agree with Nate in that your second story, the Secret of Spooky Mountain, could have been closer to the Scooby Doo source material, but I understand that you can only balance the two source materials so much. Overall, I thought your stories were really enjoyable to read and I hope I get to read at least one more before the end of this semester.
ReplyDeleteHi Zach! I like the theme you are using in your portfolio project, and the ways you have found to incorporate two sources for each story are really creative.
ReplyDeleteIn your first story, "The Stolen Sita," using a painting of Sita as a stolen artifact was clever. You began the story by setting up such a detailed scene and establishing who the characters are and what they want. You did a great job of getting me excited to see how the situation played out. I would have loved if you had included more of what happened once Nicolas faced RAVA.
In your second story, "The Secret of Spooky Island," you emphasize how Duy is the most precious thing to King Manavarious', and I wonder if you could explore that relationship more and explain why the King does not support his son's musical aspirations. Is it because Manavarious does not think that being a musician is fit for a prince or is Duy just not that good? Also, I love the band name the Mystery Pandas.
Hello Zach!
ReplyDeleteStory 1 has a wonderful title and beautiful image. Both of these components of your story really caught my attention. I also think the story is creative and different than the original, which is well explained in the author's note. I think readers would appreciate hearing more about why you were inspired to tell the story the way you did. You could add more about this in the author's note and maybe even start a second paragraph for this. It may be helpful to proofread one more time around because there were sentences I noticed in the very beginning paragraph that lacked commas where they should be.
Story 2 is quite interesting! Once again, you have an awesome title that is immediately intriguing. I really enjoyed the ending of the story, especially the way you told it with the dramatic last sentence. In terms of feedforward, in your author’s note, is there a reason the second paragraph is so lengthy? I think it may help to be consistent with the rest of your story paragraph formatting and add a break somewhere in there, so that it’s three short paragraphs.
Overall, great work and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
Hey Zach! I haven’t looked at your project since I think the third week after we started these things. I really like the way your project has turned out. Scooby Doo was a childhood favorite of mine, so seeing you blend this into the Mahabharata is something that is really cool. I was never the biggest fan of the Scooby Doo movie. I mostly just viewed it as a thing that happened that one time, and then happened again with the second movie. That being said, I think it worked out alright in your portfolio. I also thought the story you chose to rewrite as Beauty and the Beast worked out alright. It wasn’t the cleanest fit, but I suppose it was probably the best you could do. The story navigation at the top is backwards. The first story is al the way to the right, while the last story is to the left but still to the right of the intro.
ReplyDeleteHi Zach great job on your Portfolio! The stories are really entertaining to read and are told in a way that would be interesting to someone not in the Indian Epics class. The variety in the stories you tell make each one unique, and even though they have the same theme, it's like reading something entirely new each time. I really only have one critique for the entire Portfolio. Story #4 has a really interesting background and original story, but I would spend more time on the action part of the story rather than the background behind it. That story would be even better if there was more of the main plot rather than explanation. Story #2 that mirrored Scooby Doo is really fun to read. It's a lot different from other Portfolios, so it is a nice break. Great job on your Portfolio and good luck with the rest of Indian Epics.
ReplyDeleteHello, Zach!
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the most creative projects I've come across; well done! I love how you retell the stories as popular movie plots. By doing this, everyone can relate to your stories, even if they did not read the original story in the first place. I also love the visual aspects of your webpage: all of the movie images fit really well with the theme. In terms of feedforward, I think you could add more alluring titles for your pages, instead of labeling them "Story 1, 2, 3, 4." Story 2 is my favorite because I grew up watching Scooby Doo. I love how you combined the Mahabharata with this and the idea of a spooky mountain. I enjoy your use of dialogue and actually, I would love to see more! I think your Author's Note could include more information about your inspiration to retell the story the way you did. Regardless, your project is wonderful. Good luck with the rest of the semester.
Hi again Zach. I have to say, this last story was really fun to read. I liked the way you combined not just a random movie but a movie about a different pantheon of mythology with Indian Epics. It made the story very fun to imagine as the mash up of Krishna and Hercules would be very interesting. I also really liked that you made it so that Krishcules was an adult when he fought the Wild Titan rather than a baby like Krishna was when he defeated the wind demon. I always thought that was stupid. One thing that would have made this story even better to end your portfolio would have been to improve the spelling and grammar. In the second paragraph in particular everything kind of goes to hell. Like slammed your hands down on the keyboard at a couple points hoping you'd get words right. That just looks bad my man. Overall though, your stories were all great and I enjoyed them a lot. I hope you enjoyed writing them, and I'm sad you didn't include any of the Pokemon movies in your mashups. I mean I just got you like four of them...
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